わたしは、えいえんに あなたを あいして (I love you, forever)

I woked up, and I felt a strange chilling sensation down to my spine. And I suddenly thought of you. I immediately hit the bathroom, take a short shower and I left my apartment with an empty stomach. Deep down inside, I knew that something must had went wrong.
Everytime when I turn down on that road, the thought of seeing you was ever the wildest dream I would have. We were two different souls but connected through a sacred bond. A bond that only death could break us apart. A bond that Allah and His prophet acknowledge and approve of. But since of us were too young to be living in a same house and both of us were still students, our parents decided that we stayed in different houses yet, not too far from each other.
But, never I thought that one day, when I walked past the road, I'd be seeing you lying in the middle of the road, with your body in a total mess. Your bones crushed into pieces. Your face, oh, your face. I can't recognise your face. You were covered with scarlet red fluid, and even now, I can still remember that scarlet red pool.
I stammered. Standing still at the roadside. Then, I rushed to you, almost as fast as my adrenaline gushed throughout my veins. I fell on my knees, hands over your chest, wiping your face, removing all the dirts, shaking you vigorously, with the hope held high, wishing that you still have air in you lungs. Hoping that you whispered my name.
My tears kept falling down on your face, and the moment I looked at you, I can see my tears mixed with your blood and it seemed like you were crying tears of blood, tears of pain, tears of vain.
I screamed. And I screamed. Screamed for help. But, no one was around. And I suddenly felt lonely. Very lonely. I never felt that lonely before. I was afraid. The loneliness gave me such a fright. I wouldn't want that, but I couldn't reverse time to the moments when you were still alive.
I tried to carry you, but my knees were trembling. I wanted to bring you to a safer place. But my limbs were weak. I looked back at you. Searching for your sweet smile, looking for that traces of your love towards me. From that moment, I could see you glow. Strength over came me. I lifted you up. But your weight pulled me down. So, I had to carry you while dragging my knees on the road. My knees were burning, I pushed that feeling aside. I dropped my bag on the roadside, and rested your head on it.
Collecting my last strength, and held them right in my throat and I screamed, as loud as I could. I screamed until I pierced my ears with my own voice. Silence broke. Wings fluttered away. Crows croaked together as if they were helping me calling other living souls.
I waited patiently, with your bloody hands in mine, I clutched to it tightly, even though your hands were cold, but I could feel your heat radiated into me. My body weakened. My eyes twitched. Blackened. My head thud on your chest.
Time passed and suddenly, I heard voices. Muttering from over a distance. The voice grew larger. And larger. Foot steps became louder.
Still on your chest, I tried to open my eyes, but my lids were too heavy to open. I tried to open my mouth, but nothing came out from it. So, I waited and it felt like forever.
People gasped. I pulled my head up and my lips brushed your soaked shirt. I licked my lips, wanting to moisten my chapped lips, dried from hours of crying, but it tasted like copper - your blood. But I blackened again.
When I came into, I heard beeping sound over my head. I felt something punctured my hand. Something nourishing flowed in my veins. I smelled something that was very familiar. Hospital.
I opened my eyes and I woke up abrubtly, as if my body was surged with millions of electrical shock. I pulled the needle off from my hand with force, pushed the thick blanket that covered me from waist down, flung my legs over the bed, pushed the door wide open and I started to scream your name.
My body was not fully recovered yet, so I fell over on the floor on each and every steps I took. Bumped over things. I searched for something that could support me up. Railing. I grabbed hold onto it.
I screamed your name, over and over again. I heard voices calling over my name. I glanced to my back. White dresses ran towards me. Grabbing me from behind. I fought myself away from them. But, there were too many of them. Four or five. Enough to silent me down.
I was brought back to my room. They talked to me about something, their voice seemed like begging for me for something. But I shut my ears from their voices. I pulled my face away from them.
Then, I heard footsteps coming to my room. I was hoping the footsteps were coming from you. But, it sounded so different from yours. It was the doctor.
The doctor explained everything that had happened, to me and to you. But, I couldn't hear a thing, even though I tried so hard to listen to him, all I could hear was a buzz. As if God wanted to cover the ugly truth from my knowledge. As if He didn't want me to lose hope and faith.
The next day, I was discharged from the hospital.
Days passed. Mum left newspapers on my dressing table this morning.
"A boy of 23 died in a hit-and-run tragedy"
"A newly wed left his wife"
"A young widow of 22 was questioned by police"
"She loved him to the very end"
Some of the headlines were disturbing, some weren't. But I don't mind at all. But at least, I know the truth. Every bits of it. I understand that everything that happened was on its own accord. Perhaps, He loves you more than I do.
I hit for the shower. Dried myself up, put on my long dress which you gave me as the wedding gift. I put a scarf on, covering my hair, which also a present from you on our last outing with my family before our wedding day.
I hopped into the car, skipping my breakfast. I sat at the front seat, buckling my seatbelt and Dad drove me away. I asked him to stop over at the florist. I picked two red roses from the florist and back into the car.
"Honey, can you hear me? Well, was it nice there, the afterlife? Hope you are fine there. Don't you worry about me. I'm fine. Mmm, do you still remember that day? The day when you proposed me. You know what, I can still remember that day. You wore that yellow polo shirt of your favourite, which I hated it so much but I eventually started to like it, and your worn out blue jeans. Both of us was on an outing with your family and we had dinner at Nando's. And suddenly you pulled out a small red velvet box from your pocket. And you asked my hand in marriage. And you asked your mum to put the ring on my left ring finger and it fitted perfectly. I was very happy. But you said something to me. That time, I don't understand the exact meaning, but now I know. You said that this marriage will not be a long one. Only in afterlife, then our marriage will be a long lasting one. I love you, honey. Honey, our daughter juat learned how to walk. She's adorable. And she had your smile and your eyes. I brought the picture of her. See? Isn't she just adorable. Our little angel. Izzah Insyirah. You liked that name, right? Take these roses. One from me, and one from our angel. Well, your mum send you her regards. Your father's away at the moment. Tokyo. Outstation. And he taught me a new sentence. It's in Japanese. Watashiwa, eien ni anata wo aishite. It means, 'I love you, forever'. I got to go. Next Friday, I'll be here again. Assalamualaikum."

I felt it before...

What is this feeling?
I somehow seem to recognize it.

Anxiety?
Happy?
Sad?
Love?

Oh, it's been a while Jealousy!
I thought I'll never meet you again,
What a surprise!
You grew old, very old.
Why?
It's my fault?
For keeping you that long?
A year cannot possibly be that long.
And, your accusation of me dumping you,
That's totally a lie. A BIG FAT LIE!

Let us put our bad memories aside.
Forget the past.
Let us be friends again.
Because I need you to let me feel the jealousy in me again...
Can you, Miss Jealousy?

P.U.P.P.Y.E.Y.E.D.Y.O.U - Part 1

Silence wrapped me cold,
Happiness unleashed nowhere,
Sweetness seemed old,
Bitterness filled the air.
By then, I know I was all alone,
Noone to hold on to,
Moments later, I took steps of my own,
To follow the tracks or to take the "road not taken",  even my sane mind seemed confused too.

No time for me to rhyme anymore,
Since I was in the state of disorientate.

I wandered off around the place that trapping me in,
Looking, eying around, checking of any living creatures,
But nothing was here,
"Nothing???"
Damn!
What to do? WHAT TO DO?
I ran!
As fast as I can!
As fast as my feet can go, seeking for the escape.
Daylight faded, darkness blanketed,
Still, NOTHING!

Hours passed away,
My feet bleed but numbness took the pain away - my shoes are gone -,
My skin bruised and scratched,
My clothes which were before white in colour turned into red, as if I perspired blood ,
Paces slowed down until I barely able to lift my feet,
And I fell down on my knee.

Tears gushed down,
Sobs and mutters killed the silence of a bare piece of land.

Tugged my knees to my chest,
Trying to bear with the coldness,
I laid my head on the hard dry tree root,
And my eyes slowly fluttered and then it shut very tightly and...

WATER!
I'M THIRSTY...
FOOD!
I'M HUNGRY...

I woke up abruptly,
Perhaps my body was too worn off, I didn't realise that it was already noon.
I struggled on my feet, but I got not enough strength,
The only strength that I got just barely enough for me to breathe properly.
My consciousness jerked, Hungry for the Light to come,
And suddenly, within the raging seconds on the verge of dying,
I caught a glimpse of a white cloak walking towards me.

Thank God, my saviour!

He leaned towards me,
Carefully examining my condition,
And after a long second,
He concluded that I was still breathing but the breathe I took was very, very shallow.

I used the strength that I spared - in case of any anything like this would happen -
To open up my eyelids and I puppy-eyed at the stranger,
He responded to it in a very gentle, subtle way,
And he then whistled for his carriage and lifted me up slowly yet swiftly on that magnificent invention,
And slowly, I surrendered myself to my tiredness and drifted away to a very deep sweet dream.

Ain't it hurt?

Very easy of you to crumple my heart,
And very easy of you to say "I'm sorry..."
Can't you see me wither?
Can't you hear me break?
Or are you sane enough to say that I'm okay but the truth is I'm not?

Day by day you've changed,
Now, you are not the person I once knew,
Do you realise it or you just ignore it?
Or perhaps, you don't want the people to judge you or to say that you made a huge mistake?

So arrogant, so stubborn, so foolish,
So disloyal, so crazy, so selfish,
Many more than this that I want to say to you,
But, how can I, since you never let me get them through to you...

You are on your own now,
and please don't...
Don't come begging mercy from me...

T.R.U.S.T

T.R.U.S.T is single word with a single syllable
Yet, it is a profound word.

Ego

The ego in you made my ego gurgled,
My patient grew thinner,
My emotions ran wild,
My hatred grew stronger,
But I have to retreat,
The retreat is not a failure to me,
Coz the retreat is the winning ticket, a jackpot
For my present and my future.

Tears

Tears of the past I will forever treasure,
But tears of the future,
I will cast them away and out of my life.

Stupidity

Your stupidity will never influence me!
But it makes me more mature,
So, thanks for making me feel and think more mature!